Howard Horner
Howard Horner is a monster
Howard Homer is a monster.
He hates puppies, and stamps on ducklings.
You know that hamster you had when you were three?
The one that ran away?
Yeah, that was Howard.
He shoved it in his nose, then fired it from a canon.
At a vicar.
Howard's tears are HIV positive.
He can sense cute within a 10-mile radius.
He always finds it. He never fails.
He enjoys fungi. He likes Queen.
And celery.
He invented France. And Wales. And Milton Keynes.
He gave Mcfly their record deal.
He burns butterflies.
He has a list of enemies. It's known as the extinct species list.
He hates Family Guy.
He snorts coal, and injects razor blades.
He helps grannies halfway across the road, then runs away, giggling.
He rips the wings off sparrows, then throws them off Canary Wharf.
He out-stared the Easter Island heads.
He's a Tory. He likes Flog It. He likes northern accents.
He raped Pikachu.
He took your mum to dinner, and never called her again.
He feeds on snowmen.
He killed JFK. And Martin Luther King. And John Lennon. And Santa Claus.
He touched the tooth fairy in an inappropriate way.
Howard Homer is a monster.
Howard was a commended Foyle Young Poet in 2007.
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